melangkah dari jauh, gembira melihat Dr kesukaan tetapi berdebar kerna tahu beliau pasti tidak memberi peluang. (kata Dr hebat.)
beliau diam sambil meneliti kertas jawapan slide..
sepi....sepi....sepi....
suasana sepi dan sunyi membuatkan saya gementar lebih.
(i hate silent treatment).
mukanya tersenyum separa sinis,
"tell me everything about management of acute congestive glaucoma.
by this i mean, the signs, symptoms, and treatment."
panic attack!!
sign dah jadi symptoms, symptoms dah jadi sign..
"this is not the signs, this is the symptoms"
kemudian Dr diam kembali.
blur.
senyap.....senyap.......senyap.....
Dr, can i continue with the treatment?
Dr tersenyum, tapi senyumannya kelihatan berbahaya, tajam,
"How can you treat the patient before you diagnose him? Do you need an assistant Dr to tell you the diagnosis and then you treat the patient?
pedih sampai ulu hati...ouch...
"how can lens cause 2ndary glaucoma?"
.......
tell me about dendritic ulcers?
.....
say everything you want to say, i'm all ears.
tergagap-gagap. saya rasa bagaikan hari pertama melangkah masuk ke wad ophthalmology,
thiqah binnafs (self confidence) jatuh tahap negatif.
saya membayangkan Dr akan cuba discuss soalan dengan students.....teet...teet..teet..
sorry dear, wrong guess today.
belajar dari kesilapan....belajar dari kesalahan...
buat salah tak aib, tapi rasa tak bersalah tak ambil pengajaran tu mengaibkan.
saya rasa oral kali ini benar-benar mendidik saya,
silent treatment dan senyuman tajam Dr seperti berkata,
"No one will help you if you can't stand tall by your own.
this is medicine. this is life.
i want you to understand that you deal not with marks here, but with patients' LIFE!!.
you might have the most beautiful smile, you might be the best-looking person here,you have this and that,
but if you don't have nothing inside, u're DOOMED. "
"struggle if u want to survive.this is LIFE.."
walaupun exam oral saya horror, tapi Dr Hazeem semakin menjadi Doktor kegemaran saya.
saya suka manusia yang "kejam" dan tak kasihankan saya, untuk kebaikan diri saya.
barulah calm, macho dan cool.
1- saya suka Dr Hazeem,
2-saya tak dapat jadi macam Dr Hazeem sekarang,
3=maka saya tak suka diri saya sekarang.
improve!!!